“Suicide is not chosen; it happens when our pain exceeds our resources for coping with pain.”
When pain exceeds pain-coping resources, suicidal feelings are the result. Suicide is neither wrong nor right; it is not a defect of character; it is morally neutral. It is simply an imbalance of pain versus coping resources.
Here are five things to think about.
Even people who feel as badly as you are feeling now. Statistically, there is a very good chance that you are going to live. I hope that this information gives you some sense of hope.1. You need to hear that people do get through thisSay to yourself, “I will wait 24 hours before I do anything.” Or a week. Remember that feelings and actions are two different things - just because you feel like killing yourself, doesn’t mean that you have to actually do it right this minute. Put some distance between your suicidal feelings and suicidal action. Even if it’s just 24 hours. You have already done it for 5 minutes, just by reading this page. You can do it for another 5 minutes by continuing to read this page. Keep going, and realize that while you still feel suicidal, you are not, at this moment, acting on it. That is very encouraging to me, and I hope it is to you. 2 Give yourself some distance.Remember that relief is a feeling, and you have to be alive to feel it. You will not feel the relief you so desperately seek, if you are dead.3 People often turn to suicide because they are seeking relief from pain.They may actually increase your pain instead of helping you, despite their intentions, by saying or doing thoughtless things. You have to understand that their bad reactions are about their fears, not about you. But there are people out there who can be with you in this horrible time, and will not judge you, or argue with you, or send you to a hospital, or try to talk you out of how badly you feel. They will simply care for you. Find one of them now. Use your 24 hours, or your week, and tell someone what’s going on with you. It is okay to ask for help. Try...- Calling your out-of-hours GP on 02871 865195- Calling Lifeline 0808 808 8000- Calling a psychotherapist or counsellorCarefully choose a friend or family member, someone who is likely to listen, but don’t give yourself the additional burden of trying to deal with this alone. Just talking about how you got to where you are, releases an awful lot of the pressure, and it might be just the additional coping resource you need to regain your balance.4 Some people will react badly to your suicidal feelings, either because they are frightened, or angry;After they subside, you need to continue caring for yourself. Therapy/counselling is a really good idea. So are the various self-help groups available in your community.Now, while this may have given you some small relief, the best coping resource we can give you is another human being to talk with. If you find someone who wants to listen, and tell them how you are feeling and how you got to this point, you will have increased your coping resources by one. There are a lot of people out there who really want to hear from you. It’s time to start looking around for one of them.5 Suicidal feelings are, in and of themselves, traumatic.<>
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